Notes at the end of a year
On understanding yourself and using what you find
As the year comes to an end, I find myself feeling deeply grateful.
We are living in interesting times. Unsettling, fast-moving, very confusing. But also full of possibility. Over a long period of reflection, one idea has become clearer to me than ever.
I believe the purpose of life is to make the most of the particular bundle of consciousness each of us is. Not in isolation, but in collaboration with everything around us. Other people. Circumstances. Reality as it unfolds.
One can go very far philosophically here. What is real. What is subjective. How much is constructed by subjective observation. I find those questions fascinating, but they do not help much when you are trying to live a good everyday life.
What does help, at least for me, is something simpler.
First, to understand what you are made of. What lives inside you. Your strengths, limits, patterns, fears, values, curiosity, talent.
Second, to work with that material as honestly and fully as possible. To use it with care and for maximum leverage, for yourself and for the people and systems you are part of.
These two things are not sequential. They happen in parallel, throughout life.
You learn who you are by acting. You act differently as you learn.
I feel blessed because, both consciously and unconsciously, I have put myself in situations that forced this kind of growth. Not all of them were chosen freely. Many were hard. Some were painful. Some felt unfair at the time. But they all taught me something essential.
Struggle has been my most effective teacher. So has serendipity. Both belong in the same sentence.
I am grateful that I chose my partner wisely. That I have been surrounded by family and friends who care, even when life was or is messy. I chose to have one child, and that choice gave me the energy to be mentally present. That presence has shaped our relationship in ways I value deeply.
I am also aware that I live with privileges that matter.
I do not worry about food, shelter, or security. Time to read. Time to reflect. Time to think thoughts that are not immediately useful, but deeply important for my development as a human being.
I have no idea what the future will bring. What I do feel is that I am doing my best, at any given time, to stay curious and to understand both my own qualities and the circumstances I am in. That gives me a sense of preparedness, even in uncertainty.
To those of you who follow my writing. Those I know well, and those I do not know at all. Thank you. Your attention matters more than you might think.
My wish for all of us is simple.
A discovery mindset. Enough space to reflect. And the courage to choose wisely, again and again.
Some books have mattered more than others this year.
Searching for Rain in the Monsoon made me think deeply. So did Big Magic, for its insistence on creative living without fear, and on taking curiosity seriously without turning it into pressure.
After a long time, I also found my way back to fiction. Over the course of a few months, I read all seven of Elizabeth Strout’s books. I find her writing quiet and precise. She writes about ordinary lives in a way that feels deeply human.
Reading her reminded me why language and narrative matter. I aspire to write with that kind of honesty and precision over the course of my life.
I wish you all a merry Christmas and a very happy new year.
